"Elaine Stremming, will you marry me?"The look on her face was a mixture of happiness, incredulity and an over-arching look of regret."David, oh my love David," she replied. Instead of answering she pulled at me to get up. I wanted to stay down, wanted to wait for her answer, but she was insistent.She looped her arms through mine, leaning into me, as she pulled me away from her house."I love you, David," she whispered. I could almost feel the tears in her voice. "You can't keep me like this. One of us would regret it. Either you'd regret coming with me or I'd regret coming with you and then the blame would start and the fights and pretty soon we wouldn't even like each other." But I love you, Elaine," I said thickly, my own tears rolling down my cheek. "I can't even imagine life without you. The thought of us apart ... it's tearing me up inside." Me, too," she said softly. "But ... it's only for a little while... 4 years. We can call and write, remain friends and then, if it was meant. As it was just the two of us since Dad had left, this was all the more awkward. although i was glad dad wasn't around to hear of my "perversion" Other than her initial disgust, mom seemed to have an overriding feeling of guilt, like she'd let me down, not giving me a male role model to follow. she'd questioned my sexuality, which i assured her i was straight. Coming out as bi-curious now would have destroyed her!one day upon returning from school, i walked into the kitchen to find mom and her friend Linda. Mom had a glass of wine and was slurring her words. "here she is" she blurted out she'd cleary been talking with Linda about my indescretion all afternoon. Linda however repremanded her for her mocking tone. and explained to her that my dressing as a girl was most likely a passing phase, and that it didn't make me gay, just curious. she also said it was probably just the feel of the clothes against my skin that aroused me. She seemed starngely clued up.....i was however thankful,.
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